i permit you to call me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
