I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
