This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
