The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
