Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I didn't notice because vodka
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
