Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
