I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
