I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
