I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
