Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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