If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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