someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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