I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
