She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
