peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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