I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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