Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
