girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
