Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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