I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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