I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
