so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
