I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
