So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
