She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
