just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
