Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
