When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
