So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
