you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
