i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
