You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
