Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
