I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
