dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
