someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
