Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
