As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
