Umm I'm too high to move.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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