That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
