Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
