I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have post one night stand depression
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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