Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
