Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
