The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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