Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
