The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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