I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
