is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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