Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
