time to smoke my breakfast
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
