On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
