I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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