If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
