the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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