Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
