All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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